thoughts of a learner

While waiting for the study to finish downloading, I scrolled through my videos and stumbled upon an old documentary-style video containing pictures of the 2007 school camp of the organization that I envied very much. I remembered watching that video when I was still in highschool and feeling very sad because I NEVER became a part of that said organization. Now, I did not dare to watch the video, I just listened to the audio because the music itself reminds me of that feeling. And I was. I was reminded of that desperate feeling that no matter hard I tell myself to move on, I can’t. I was reminded of that sad and lonely feeling that how hard I pushed myself just to be part of “them”, it was never on my hands, it was ALWAYS been their decision, their thoughts and their BIASES. And as the video ended, I reminded myself to be never again experience that, I was not bullied, but I felt small. I felt bound. I felt like I could never do great things. I reminded myself that I shall never let myself be the underdog, again. I shall never feel small. I shall never feel stepped upon. Never. NEVER AGAIN. I will be great. I will achieve great accomplishments. I will do good to society. I will be famous. I will be great.